Thursday: A guest post....

The scene: two testicles riding high in the saddle of a middle-management computer programmer scrotal sack.... What could happen under such circumstances? Who knows?

Jurgen: Did you see that he bought a new car?

Michael: I saw! What dude buys a Cooper Mini?

Jurgen: I know! Right?

Micheal: Well, I suppose he thinks it is a chick magnet. I mean, 4 years kinda is a long time to not... ya know... be intimate...

Jurgen: You are telling me! I thought he was going to rent this nutsack out to a bunch of owls...

Michael: What are you reading? Looks kinda dumb.

Jurgen: It is. It's Freud. I mean, I thought I knew what a dick was for but apparently I was wrong. Seems that it is a metaphor.

Michael: That's just it! I don't know. I mean, fuck, I thought it was for doing the dirty business of getting down to business. But apparently it is so much more!

Jurgen: Have you met the guy upstairs! That is what he lives for! I mean, show the dude a sheep and he is up to the task. Sodomy laws be damned!

Michael: What's sodomy?

Jurgen: Sit down Michael. Let me explain... Be right back.

(Jurgen disappears into the bathroom and returns in a red smoking jacket and with a pipe wafting the delicate smoke of the depths of time)

Jurgen: You see, there comes a time in a man's life when he gets tired of vagina.

Michael: TIRED OF VAGINA!!!!!! WHAT BLASPEMY!!!

Jurgen: Wait, wait, wait... Here me out. Do you understand that girls have more than one hole?

Michael: What? You are messing with my concept of reality. Dude, there is only one! You are clearly not participating in the consensus concept of reality! Wait... you have been eating ecstacy again.

Jurgen: My poor, poor, poor Michael. You are so unschooled in the ways of love. Do you not remember that time that you turned blue from all that pressure? That was Brenda's teeth squeezing off your life line!

Michael: Really? I thought I was just light headed from rocking out to Toto! That song about the rains in Africa is totally fucking sweet. Do you remember that time we did it at the company christmas party. I had so much fun I threw up and then needed my inhaler!

Jurgen: Totally fucking sweet band. But off topic. Let us return to the lesson at hand. Two words my nascent friend: B.J.

Michael: You fucking idiot! Those are letters! Jesus and you give me shit for only having a GED!

Jurgen: Christ on a popsicle stick! A BLOW JOB!!!!!!

Michael: What do wind machines have to do with this!

Jurgen: Nothing you Fuck-tard! It is when a girl puts the big man (they chuckle at all 4 inches of the "Big Man Upstairs") in her mouth and sucks on it!

Michael: So why is it called a "blow job" if she is sucking?

Jurgen: Its a fucking metaphor!

Michael: No it isnt! They are opposites! Blowing and sucking do not overlap on a vin diagram! Have you been huffing paint again! That makes no sense!

Jurgen: You know I quit huffing paint after I graduated from MIT. Get a fucking grip. It is just a turn of phrase. Get with the program!

Michael: Get a thesaurus you idiot. Those words do not mean the same thing! Jesus! You speak like one of those douchebags on Fox News! A tale full of sound and fury signify jackassery! My god! Was your mom eating paint chips while she was pregnant? Or was this before she went into A.A.? That would explain a lot. Especially why the leff side of your face doesnt work. You look like that guy from The Goonies or Carson Daily: take your pick.

Jurgen: You asshole! Whatever happend to the rule about my moms!

Michael: Well, my mom wasnt drinking Coleman latern fuel to get high while she was having sex with my dad. Don't blame me!

Jurgen: You son of a....

(Fighting ensues)

End scene....

Please tune in next week. Same scrotal time. Same scrotal place.